Stuck in a Purgatory of Perpetual Heartbreak
by lunarglow
Summary: When I dream, I dream of him. Every section, nook, cranny and being in my body  missed him. The love of my life. My Edward. This life had become a hell and I was stuck in a purgatory of perpetual heartbreak. One Shot!


**Disclaimer: Twilight is of Stephenie Meyer's creation..darn**

**When I dream, I dream of him. Every section, nook, cranny and being in my body missed him. The love of my life. My Edward. This life had become a hell and I was stuck in a purgatory of perpetual heartbreak.**

Stuck in a Purgatory of Perpetual Heartbreak

Some days are just better than others. This sadly was not one of those good days. Every part of me yearned for Edward's arms to wrap around me. My daydreams were getting me into trouble as tears threatened to spill over. My breath would come out in short ragged breaths and my hand would fly to my chest, over my heart. A pain so precise, so sharp, struck it and made it hard for me to breathe. All the memories came flooding back.

Edward laughing.

Edward smiling that gorgeous crooked smile that dazzled me every time.

Edward kissing me.

Edward telling me he loved me all of those times.

All gone. Every single memory haunted me, mocking my loss. My true love, gone, leaving me to pick up the pieces. Every day felt like an internal war, every moment was a test. Could I go twenty minutes without breaking down? Thirty minutes? A whole hour? His soft lips caressing my skin felt like a memory from a different life not one possibly from last week. Or the time he played me a song that I inspired, a lullaby that was so beautiful the finest piece of music couldn't compare. Or even when he first told me he loved me. I remember that I had just told him that I was deeply and irrevocably in love with him and he grabbed me, swung me around and kissed me so hard we were soon out of breath. And then in the moments as we were catching our breath he said those words that ring in my head every moment I miss him:

"I love you too,"

"Ms. Swan, are you okay?"

I looked up at Mr. Banner through blurry and moist eyes. My throat felt so dry that speaking seemed impossible.

"Ms. Swan, I think it would be best if you went to go see the school counselor,"

Not having the voice to object, I took the pass from his outstretched hand and made my way across the school to see Mrs. Gaines. From what I heard, a couple of years ago a student committed suicide so the school made sure that if a crises like that ever happened, the students would have someone to be able to talk to.

I reached Mrs. Gaines office and approached the secretary with my note from Mr. Banner.

"Mrs. Gaines is in a meeting, if you could just take a seat she will-"

"No, Mrs. Pollock I am here and available," A tall black haired woman walked into the room wearing a pant suit with glasses perched on her nose and her hair tied back in a bun. "Ah Bella. I have been meaning to call you in. Please take a seat in the next room and we can talk,"

I dragged myself into the appointed room and plopped down on a couch opposite of a chair. Mrs. Gaines took the seat opposite of me and looked me over. It was quiet for a couple of minutes before I finally spoke

"You said you had been meaning to call me in. Why?"

"Well when the student body suffers a loss such as we have now with Edward," I wanted to tell her that Edward was still out there, alive and coming back but I didn't have the energy so I let her continue. "A list is made of who to watch because they were close to the deceased. (cringe)We just finished making a list for Edward's friends and you are at the top of it."

I stared at her blankly for a good five minutes before I spoke again.

"Me?"

"Yes. I am going to be very honest with you Bella. All of your teachers have been notified to keep a close eye on you. You are in a delicate situation now. You were the last one to see Edward alive and you were the closest to him, romantically and as a friend. People may start to point fingers at you and make ridiculous accusations that you had something to do with Edward's disappearance and that you are behind this. You are still in the full blown grieving process and so is this school. Those people who may approach you will only do so because they can't cope with the fact that Edward is gone and so they will want to redirect their sadness into anger at you. Just ignore these people. You and I both know that you had nothing to do with what happened. If things get hard around here just come see me okay? My door is always open."

I walked out of the office and into the bathroom. I slumped against the cool wall and slowly slid down as I sobbed. I didn't care in the least if anyone walked in. I felt so utterly alone.

_I miss you._

**Depressing, I know. Well I know I said this was a one shot but if you liked this then I would suggest reading the story I'm currently working on called Light the Way. It has the same kind of story line. Just fast forward about two years.**

**Anyways thanks for reading and for that great review you sent me! Wait, you didn't send me one? Then get to it! **


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